Dr. John Townsend shares an incredible teaching about relationships at M...

Dr. John Townsend, co-author of "Boundaries" discusses the care and feeding of relationships and why they are important for our lives.  A must listen video from  Mercy Ministries.

This is by far the best book to read for all your relationships, as our society today is quite lacking in setting boundaries with children, teens, dating and marriage.

The number one problem for Women in MLC is their lack of boundaries, weak  or  loss of the boundaries.  There are many reasons why this occurs and as a parent or partner, you can stop the cycle by learning more about boundaries  and why as human beings we must have them to survive.

A Relief to Some-Witchcraft to Others...

A Relief to Some-Witchcraft to Others...

By Carrie E. Pierce and menopauserus.com

Let's face it, Menopause happens to all women- eventually- and
brings with it numerous physical, emotional and psychological
changes.
This process might be met with feelings of relief, peace and
acceptance-or depression, anxiety and illness.

How a woman accepts this inevitable time in her life depends
largely upon the cultural and societal norms that prevail in her
day to day life.

For instance, it's been shown that European women seem to fear the
decline of their mental health during Menopause, while Jewish women
take very little issue with the process as a whole.
Arab women seem to fear the loss of love from their spouses, once
their ability to bear children declines, yet in several studies,
Japanese and Filipino women seem to weather Menopause rather easily.

Why is this-and what makes it so?

Women's responses to the Menopause process vary significantly from
culture to culture.
The more the culture in question views Menopause as a natural
occurrence in a woman's life- and not a disease process to be
conquered, cured or overcome- the easier and more enriching the Menopause experience will be.

The more Menopause is viewed as a 'loss' -of youth, vitality,
beauty- the more likely that a woman will experience pain, illness
and emotional issues as she makes the transition.

To prove this phenomenon let's take a closer look at various
cultures and how Menopause and aging in women are perceived:

Most Western Cultures, where birth control is prevalent and the
cultures are rather 'youth driven', (such as the US and Australia)
find Menopause to be a ‘loss’ that is to be mourned, and/or battled
at all costs.
Studies conducted in these countries reveal more negative physical and
emotional symptoms accompanying the Menopause process.

In studies conducted in Australia, findings were high: almost 80%
of women suffer with various Menopause-related ailments, while
women in non-Western cultures seem to have a much easier time with
the transition.

So, why this startling difference?

Is it just a genetic phenomenon? Something strictly related to diet
and/or lifestyle?
You just might be surprised...

The African approach to Menopause varies depending upon culture and
also the childbearing history of each woman.
Throughout Africa, menopause is seen mostly as a blessing.
It affords equality between men and women for the first time in a
woman's life- and can be a very welcomed transition, as childbearing
comes to an end.

The downside to Menopause in Africa:
Spotting or bleeding after Menopause is often viewed as a mark of
Witchcraft, and that opens up an entirely different, undesirable
can of worms!

In Italy, Menopause is thought to be the 'Third Age' and is
approached positively-as a totally natural part of a woman's life.
Physical symptoms may get to these Italian women a bit, but their
peace with the process helps them prevail and thrive-all the while
maintaining their sexuality.

In Japan, Menopause is viewed as a very positive occurrence, as
this particular culture is rather Age-friendly.
Women moving through Menopause in Asia are viewed as having
increasing worth; gaining honor in society instead of being pushed
aside.

Sikh, Mayan, East Indian, Filipino and Asian women all share
positive Menopausal experiences.
The common denominator surrounding the Menopause process in these
cultures seems to be this:
Women- in these countries, once menstruation and childbearing
cease- gain importance, recognition, respect and parity in what are
predominantly male-dominated cultures.
This then frees them for the first time in their lives- and on many
planes.
The women in these cultures are actually transitioning TO
something, rather than away from something.

-This appears to be key in having a healthy Menopause experience.

As we are within, so are we without...

Society dictates a woman's self esteem, and self perception.
This is most unfortunate- but true.
In societies where aging is considered a loss, handicap or journey
toward death, Menopause has proven to be a rather bumpy ride for
women.

On the other hand, in cultures where it is viewed as being a
natural, normal process- and a time of true freedom- Menopause
proves to be a rather easy time of transition- and a time of self-growth
and self-actualization.

-Never has the saying 'Change your thoughts, Change your Life been more true!

Carrie has worked exclusively in the skin care, health and beauty industry for over 25 years. 
She’s a licensed Aesthetician, is certified in Color Analysis and has built a solid, international reputation in the field of holistic, menopausal skin care; specializing in harmful cosmetic ingredients and industry practices. 
She’s a recognized speaker and published writer- having written numerous articles in women’s health and beauty publications and she is Founder and President of Menopauserus.com- The ultimate natural help and support site for women in need of peri menopause and menopause relief. 
It’s her mission to help make menopause ‘The Change for the Better’- for women everywhere!

The Mid-Life Bradley Method

Mid-Life Crisis (MLC) is very much like childbirth...whether it be for a man or a woman, it is the re-birthing of a person....it has it's stages of labor...and we transition from one stage to another. Many women handle this birthing better than others...many choose to take medication or numb themselves to get through it, while others opt to have a C- section and remove themselves, so they can be reborn....while some learn about their bodies, understand the process, know what to do when certain things happen and allow their H's to play the role they are given in the process.

The childbirth method I am speaking of is called The Bradley Method...it is a totally non-medicated/avoid the C- section method. It is a hands on coaching method, where the H plays a key role in the coaching and monitoring a women's progress in childbirth. You could probably say that we here are the instructors on how to preform The Bradley Method of MLC...we are trying to teach women how to get through their MLC without medication, allowing their H to play the role of moderator of those things that may get in the way of successfully birthing themselves in to excellent, significant and graceful women...a re-birth with no regrets in the end.

No matter how you look at it...childbirth is childbirth...it is never painless....MLC is MLC and it is never painless. In both, you have choices to make...methods to use to avoid a purely horrific birth, problems and tragedy. The transitions are within the process or stages of the MLC or childbirth. This is what the women are referring to....they transitioning through the stages of the process of a MLC. They are really one in the same...not two different things.

If more women approached their MLC in a Bradley way, like they approach childbirth...then you would probably see more women going through it with less pain and hurt and they would be partnering with their H's to get it done.

I have always considered writing extensively in this manner because it makes sense...women can relate to this metaphor...many have gone through childbirth and understand how it works.

As H's...think about how your W dealt with her pregnancy and childbirth...Is she following suit with her MLC? Is she choosing medication or is she opting for the section? It would be interesting to hear if their is a relationship here...please let us know.

Interesting comparison between the Bradley method of childbirth and MLC :

Bradley teaches that if a woman has chosen to not have medication or a section at childbirth there is a stage where the labor becomes extremely difficult. A women's tolerance for the pain becomes next to non-existent. This is when the woman will start asking for or even demanding to have medication, even if her original decision was to go without. Bradley teaches that at this point it is the H's job as coach to talk her through the labor pain, telling her that this is the sign that she will start pushing soon and within a short time the baby will arrive. If the H doesn't do a good job at coaching and allows the W to medicate at this point, contractions will slow down, problems may occur during the pushing stage and the result may be detrimental to the health and progress of the newborn after the birth and the recuperation of the mother.

The MLC Bradley Method: The H's job is to be the coach, the moderator/mediator...He is watching...he is making decisions...he is determining whether or not the W is truly moving in to the next stage or transition. He is looking out for the signs that are very apparent of what happens and doing what he can to make sure that the W has a healthy re-birth. The differences:

First stage:

W is not happy, smiling, discontent...struggling, overwhelmed. (Take a picture of your W or look at pictures of your W back when she was not necessarily saying that she unhappy...what do you see? If you see, non-verbal messages of her discontent, such as forced smiles, distance or ensuring you are not close in pictures, distance from your children or not touching, absence from pictures completely) this was your first sign...you missed it.

Your job: Acknowledge the fact that you see that she is visibly not happy. Help her to realize that you understand what she is going through. Get her the help that she needs. Make her as comfortable as possible, because the real work is yet to come. She is labor and there is much more that you will be dealing with...Prepare ahead of time...know and state your boundaries and deal breakers...make sure the two of understand that you will be going through this together. Knowing what you will do in the worst case scenario will save you from having to think on your feet, shock and making mistakes that you and she will regret.

Second stage:

In-efficient dealing with the labor pains of MLC: filling the empty space with material things, partying, getting new friends...dramatically changing their look...escaping...keeping secrets, lies, deceit....or more importantly deep depression, inability to meet her obligations and responsibilities. This is the longest stage...just as in childbirth...how you handle this one will determine if the rest of this process will be a healthy one or be disastrous... This is the stage that women are already self-medicating with A's, spending money, thinking or or acting on D or separation...they have already chosen that they will self-medicate way back in the first stage...the one that you missed...this is like the woman who goes in and gets the epidural from the get-go or even the planned C-section...she has made her plan...she will not deal with the pain...she pushes the Easy button. You are out of the picture from the start...you are not her coach...you have to say "No!" in how she will birth her new self. Many women decide to go it alone continuing to self-medicate, extending the birthing process with more pain, hurt and frustration...sometimes the labor pains stall completely, which ends up having them medicate more with more things that will only make the labor longer and harder...they no longer have their coach...they have ensured that he is sitting out in the waiting room waiting for the news that she is done or she has dismissed him completely by telling him he is NOT a part of this labor...it is hers and hers alone. Even if he was brought in to the situation, he would be ineffective because he has never had a voice in the process any ways...UNLESS...he comes back in to the situation and takes over where he should have been in the first place....taking control and insisting on what is right and in the best interest of the woman and her family. The problem with this and what is key...the woman NEEDS to listen and allow the guidance and coaching from the H...if she doesn't...then it is still totally out of the H's hands. If he had been involved in the first place, he would have been able to tell her that she was getting ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel (no pun intended)...she would be seeing a healthy woman, who is happy...living an excellent, significant and graceful life with out the regrets of prior mistakes that were made during the birthing process/transition.

Pushing stage:

Healthy scenario: A woman does the work, gets the help that they need to resolve childhood issues, dealing with grief, gains coping skills...works on herself in a positive manner, along with seeking maintaining her health in that it promotes the best possibilities for herself, her marriage and family. In the end, the best possible scenario is that she is able to regain her M/R...BUT...it may also mean that a woman decides, even after the H has coached her through the process that her birthing will only occur outside of the M/R...in the end the H may still be dismissed to the waiting room or even straight out of the hospital for good, because his presence in her mind is impeding her progress. The question at this point would be if indeed there were things that were in the M/R that were indeed impeding her progress...only you will know this for sure. Decisions even at this stage can turn out disastrous. The woman that is born...is still-born or has major defects in her re-birth...all will have to be dealt with in some way or another.

NOTE to H's: All the anger, name calling, resentment that you may hear at this point in the birthing process is exactly the same as the anger and frustration that you hear from your W when in childbirth...she is working hard...she is lashing out because of the intense pain...it is not really about you...she is screaming at the pain...hit the ignore button...it is not about you...it is about her pain.

Interesting fact about this process: Many women who go through this process tend to have the same sort of ability to forget the worst of the pain and hurt that has happened while laboring through MLC. Do NOT be surprised by this...this is why your W's come back and expect to be friend's...her recall of the experience has been all encompassing...the brain, just as in childbirth is amazing in that it conveniently forgets the intensity of the pain...the job of a healthy woman who has gone through this process is to remember what she has done wrong and what she has done right during the process or she will go through the process all over again. A woman needs to be able to check the signs, listen to her body or her mental state and adjust accordingly, so she will not have to go through this again. This is also true of the H, whether it be with their W or another new relationship...don't forget what you have already seen and lived through...it is your best protection.

British and U.S. Reserchers Give Everyone at 40 Permission to Stay in Bed Until 50

USA Today recently reportedthat "middle-age IS truly depressing"!

Thank, God....I'm not crazy...I'm normal...now I have an excuse to NOT get out of bed this morning or any other morning for that matter...at least until I am 50!

British and U.S. researchers will be releasing a report stating that they surveyed over 2 million people in 80 countries and what they discovered was that men and women take a severe dip in their zest for life while in their 40s. I am now in my 50s and must admit things have been looking up since I turned the big 5-0. I will also admit from the moment I turned forty it seemed that I was hit by everything that life could possibly hit me with. My father died when I was 42, soon after two other family members, my mother entered a nursing home, I gave birth to my fifth child, my husband retired from the military, I had two teens in high school and one in middle school, my son was diagnosed with ADHD...we moved in to a new home...the list goes on and on. Tell me if these aren't reasons to fall into bed, pull the covers over my head and wish the world would stop spinning. I am now in my fifties looking back at my time languishing in my bed, while admitting I still have a penchant for returning to this old habit when the going gets tough...I just wonder if releasing this report will give people permission to do exactly what I did...become a prisoner of the sheets for almost ten long years.


I mean...why not sit on the couch or fall between the sheets to escape the world? The researchers are telling us that this is natural...it is expected...a plethora of people from Albania to Zimbabwe were asked and the numbers indicated that both 40 year old women and men were more inclined to be depressed. Where do I fit in as a U.S. citizen between Albania and Zimbabwa? Could vast cultural difference play a role or was this eliminated? Did this report state why they were depressed? What were the causes? Is it some sort of chemical imbalance? Is depression at 40 out of our control? Is is because we expect too much and get little? Are our schedules over booked...too many soccer games, business meetings, family events? Is this the period in our lives that we start losing loved ones, children start leaving the nest, career changes occur and families break apart due to divorce? Or is this just another attempt by the medical community to convince us that we need to accept our lot in life...belly up to the prescription counter and start taking all the many anti-depressants on the market, while waiting for the depression to pass?


I feel it is a great disservice to those people who are languishing in bed trying to figure out how to get out of bed, to release statistics stating that there is a common thread of depression for people in their forties and then not cite the causes that may occur at this time in their lives that would lead to this "U-shaped pattern". This USA Today article leads you to believe that this is the norm, a natural stage of life. You shouldn't be concerned. Go to your doctor and get a prescription....wait it out...you will come out of it one day! But it is not that easy; the causes are many and you can get stuck!


The researchers and the media have just set us all up to expect this downward swing. It will be more ammunition for those who stand on the sideline of our depression and mid-life crisis telling us just to snap out of it! The report also gives those of us who have been living from a bedside table permission to languish between the sheets until our 50TH birthday.


This may be a valid report on research done. The USA Today article is limited and a reading of the full research report to be published in the journal of "Social Science & Medicine" is needed before you grab your snack and climb onto the Tempurpedic.